You know, I find it really hard being a mum. It doesn’t feel natural to me. I’ve never been one of those people to go gaga over kids. I am STILL not the person to offer to hold someone else’s baby. I’m kinda like Ahhhhhh No, I don’t need to touch it, thanks!
I get so frustrated having such a clingy child who hardly sleeps – never without me – and is nearly at kindy age, but still hasn’t adjusted to childcare. ARRHHHHHGHHHH it drives me CRAZY sometimes, when sometimes I just need to ESCAPE so I can BREATHE – so I can Stop Being So Needed ALL THE TIME.
I like my freedom. I need it. I crave it. I thrive in it.
I Just Need To B R E A T H E.
And yet – I chose this.
Not on a mental level.
Well, yes – DEFINITELY on a mental level. I chose to have a kid. I knew it would be a challenge. I spent years on mindset work to get to the point where I decided having a kid wouldn’t be so bad – I mean, they could help me with the dishes and stuff afterall, so THAT wouldn’t be so bad, right?
But little did I know – this was mental preparation in the physical world for something that I had already decided a long time ago – before I was born.
I was taken back to a time before I incarnated in this present moment, where I CHOSE to have a child. But not just any child – MY child. WE chose this, actually. It was a joint decision for us to come here to Earth to work together. Again.
We are cosmic crusaders, if you like.
Think of it as a soul contract, if you like – although I don’t believe we ever signed such a document that forced us together. WE chose it through our soul’s free will, and then we chose it again with our human selves’ free will.
I remembered that I chose it because we thought it would be good to walk this Earth again, side by side, in our sovereignity, as leaders, raising the vibration of the planet.
And as I remembered this, a wash of calm came over me.
Of course he is a clingy child! He is here to REMIND me of our purpose. He is here to REMIND me to lead through my soul. He is here to REMIND me over and over and over again that I am here to raise a conscious child so that we may walk side by side as conscious leaders.
Of COURSE he has reminded me over and over and OVER again. As I have twisted and turned and shaken and fallen over and over and OVER again. As I have STRUGGLED to work as I previously did, because it just didn’t work with him. As I have struggled to PUSH through different interests and try to FORCE them into profitability, when in fact they were a Hard Slog Uphill due to a clingy baby who never slept.
I was forced – over and over and over again – to drop the struggle and sink back into who I really am – a creator of sound frequencies and art who finds life so much easier when I just do Me, and NOT stray from the ease of being Who I Really Am.
I have learnt this so many times.
I have quit things SO many times. I have had to, simply because they were such a struggle and a push and a battle to get to work with a clingy baby/child.
And I see it now. Again. I’ve had this recollection before, but I am writing about it to embody it further and remind me AGAIN for when things feel like a struggle AGAIN.
I chose this. My son chose this. WE JOINTLY CHOSE THIS.
I am the physical manifestation of a decision made lightyears ago.
When I come back to my truth, then not only does everything feel easy and I can b r e a t h e again, but I come back to a place of full trust, and then I can REALLY breathe easy.
Because I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that I am fulfilling my higher purpose, and when I sink into this purpose, I am BEYOND taken care of.
I sprinkle my sound frequencies and art around the world, because these are the gifts that I chose, and this is what I must do. This is the action that I must take.
And I step into my soveriegnity as Goddess, walking side by side with my son, as leaders in raising the vibration of the planet. Because this is what we wanted to do a long time ago, and now we get to live it out.
I, Anna Shelley, have remembered who I really am – Distributor of Sound Frequencies, Soul Art Expressionist, Goddess.
I see you. I feel you. I honour you.