Fuck personal development!
Fuck personal improvement – as if you need improvement! As IF you need to be BETTER! Like – you’re not good enough as you are, are you, so you better do better, be better – BETTER THAN WHO YOU ARE RIGHT NOW, because WHO YOU ARE ISN’T GOOD ENOUGH. And – it will NEVER be good enough.
Can’t you see? Don’t you see? Won’t you see? (because, you’re not good enough to see, right?)
So… here’s the thing:
When you’re feeling lost and vulnerable and confused – or when you simply want to find out who the fuck you even ARE – personal development comes to the rescue.
You get to go on all these wonderful deep dives of the mind.
You get to be all meta, observing yourself from a distance. Hmmm what do I think about this? How do I feel about that?
You get to be all logical about making your life more fun. Oh yes, I must be more fun, because fun is something positive, and I’m sure it will result in something better.
You get to decide how to have fun, and what is the funnest thing, and if you need some downtime after that fun, and if you should turn your fun into a bizniz, and all this stuff…. Which is kind of cool, right?
But here’s where personal development sucks:
It’s an endless fucking loop.
It goes round and round and round, and you’re NEVER fucking done.
Because once you get close to the life you’ve designed, then you recalibrate and do it all over again. To get better, to be better, to live better, because clearly you’re not good enough at it. You don’t know enough about yourself or how to live, so you dig further and further and further, and then one day you wake up realising that although everything IS in fact hunky dory, your MIND can’t go back. Your MIND can’t unlearn what it has learnt. You can’t UNSEE the cycle of personal growth.
You can’t QUIT elevation. You can’t QUIT expanding your mind. You can’t QUIT wanting to be better.
By default, you are never good enough.
You learn to drop out of your mind and sink back into your heart.
That is – you stop going round and round in circles on the personal development train, and you allow your mind to melt away, and live truly by your heart.
THEN it can be easy. You don’t have to think so much – just enough to not crash your car and to remember to pay your bills on time. You don’t have to be so meta all the time. You don’t have to focus so hard on what you want all the time. You just get to BE.
You get to Be Who You Really Are. At all times. AND it’s absolutely perfect. YOU’RE absolutely perfect.
I am calling myself out here, as I remember those crazy arse times as a teenager writing weird prose and self publishing it, and selling it in stores around the country. I am calling myself out from the personal growth merry-go-round as I remember releasing my first album on cassette. I am calling myself out on this bullshit as I remember when I was not only free of all this, but following my purpose too.
I am also remembering how shattered I have been, how my sense of self was utterly shaken with motherhood and my innate desire to endlessly create and be free.
I am indebted to this immense period of tears, growth, and zig zagging around my truth.
I am truly grateful for this path, but now it’s time to jump off that bandwagon and embrace my soul truths by fully embodying them.
This is the completion of the mind/spirit/body combo.
It started with the mind as I embarked on that journey.
It settled in spirit as my mind decided to live through my heart.
And it’s time to complete it in body by practically and physically living truly from the heart.
No doubt I’ll still get caught up in my mind at times, but I know how to let that go and sink back into my heart. And I bet you do too.
Peace out mofos, and go do The Fuck It Meditation if you like my stuff 😉