It’s so frustrating at times, not being able to get my creativity to put on a show whenever it’s convenient for me.
Sometimes I say to it: I’ve got 20 minutes now, and I’d love to get a couple more images down for my next book, thanks!
Or: I’ve got 5 minutes now, so let’s record an epic track that is moving and powerful in one take, thank you!
But then it remains silent.
Not a: I need you to warm up your creative muscles for a bit.
Not even a: Grab a coffee for 2 minutes and you’ll be on fire.
Sometimes it’s as blank and as tangible as the veil between worlds.
Sometimes it’s sitting on the other side of that veil, clear as day, and completely out of reach.
The interesting thing is that through all The Work I’ve done, I am aware that I now feel the most high of highs, which in turn means I have much more distance to fall down to the lows. When I am scraping at the bottom of the deep deep well, I know that feeling into this and simultaneously feeling distinct gratitude towards it, I will be granted with the most powerful creative forces that ever exists.
So these days, or on Those Days, I feel immense gratitude and anticipation for the burst of energy that will follow. I feel into the Dark, into the abyss, into the deep deep well, and as I wonder what the hell is wrong with me, I am also looking forward to seeing what is going to come next, for it is always BEYOND what I could even imagine.
The Beauty – it’s strong, it’s powerful, it’s intense – and it is more beautiful every time.
I guess this is what it means to surrender. I guess this is what it feels like to let go and fully release the brakes. To feel the intensity and know that the magic that comes afterwards gets better every time.
And of course, it’s always frustrating as hell to be in that deep deep well, to have that dark rain cloud following you everywhere, to begin wondering what is wrong with you. But when you know from every single previous experience that a huge creative burst of energy always follows, then you know that the faster you accept what is, the faster the magic follows.
These cycles often last up to a week for me. I look forward to the day they last just hours or even minutes.
I don’t think I want to avoid the deep wells entirely. In their darkness resides a beautiful complexity of being that is often skimmed over during the highs. So I now express even more gratitude for these shades and timbres of life, and I know I can take them and use them in my creative expression of being.
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